In previous blog entries, we have talked about what to do when you are struggling with internal critical messages and the drama triangle. Today, I want to give you some questions to ask yourself at times when you can’t seem to untangle yourself from the confusion created by all the internal talk.

Sort Through the Voices: When you find yourself feeling like you have been bad or done something wrong, or when you keep circling around a problem or situation, stuck in the internal drama triangle, ask yourself some of the questions below. Try to identify what the Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor are saying to you. This may find it easier to sort out what you need to do for yourself.

Writing it down can be helpful. On a piece of paper, make three columns, one for each part of the drama triangle: Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor.

Answer each question according to what each voice has to say:

• What are the facts of the situation?
• What is each part of the triangle saying that I’m doing?
• Want do they say I need to do?
• For whom am I taking responsibility?
• Am I allowing the other person to take responsibility for themselves and their actions?
• Who has the power? How do I know?
• Have I agreed to more than I want to do?
• Am I doing more than half the work?

Next, answer the following questions from the position of Power, Responsibility and Compassion (Remember the Power Triangle?)

• What do I need to do to use my power positively and appropriately?
• What boundaries do I need to set?
• What responsibility do I need to take for myself and my actions?
• Am I using my power to take care of myself properly?
• Who has been controlling how I am treating myself?
• What do I need to do differently?
• What am I feeling about this situation? Do my feelings fit the actual situation or has the Persecutor been punishing me?
• What would I like to feel and what can I do to make it happen?

These answers will guide you as you create a plan to take care of yourself. Do you need to deal with an event that happened? Or is this an internal conflict that you can solve by treating yourself better? Do you need the help of a friend? Or the help of a therapist?

If the answer to the final question is yes, feel free to call me at (919) 881-2001.