Hurricane: Life’s Test of Endurance and Resiliency

Hurricane, counseling, Raleigh Psychotherapy, Katherine Broadwayand sometimes life sends you a hurricane.

A husband and wife watching the water to see if it will flood their home of 45 years. Residents wait for a tree to be removed from a power line, so they can live in the light again.

Traffic rerouted. Business owners watch as water creeps toward their businesses and livelihood. Countless others wait for the damage that never comes.

The drama and trauma unfolds as nature reminds us that we are not always in control. 

hurricane Matthew, counseling, Raleigh Psychotherapy, Katherine Broadway…and still, the dawn breaks and the sun returns to remind us that life goes on regardless of the impact of the storm.

Control once again returns to us at least in some limited way.

Neighbors and friends join those in need to provide help in labor, goods, support and love. We are not alone in the time of need. Groups of people gather around those who need help.

We see the goodness and giving nature of humanity.

Storms test us. 

Most of the time it is a test of nerves as we wait to see if this time, we are the ones with any damage or even worse the tragedy.

Even, if we are not affected by the storm, we know someone who is. When it is over we often have frayed nerves and guilt. This is survivor guilt. It is the joy and gratitude that this time, we were the lucky ones. Soon the guilt follows the joy.  I survived the storm while many others are suffering.

What can we do in times like this? We can look for the opportunity to help. You may be the one to help a neighbor, friend or family member: clean up a yard, donate food or listen to the person telling the story of what happened to them.

For weeks after a storm, people will ask, “How did you do in the storm?” It is an opportunity to help yourself and others. Telling the story of what happened, is how we process memories . By connecting with caring people, we put into perspective our own experience. We process the event and store our memories inside us in helpful ways when we are able tell our story. It helps release the negative energy and impact associated with the event.

11 Small Ways to Create a More Satisfying Life

Katherine Broadway, counseling, raleigh PsychotherapyFrom when you get up in the morning to when you go to bed, life can be difficult and challenging. There are things that we cannot change and there are things we can; sometimes, the only thing we can change is our attitude, but even that can make a significant difference and make our life more satisfying.

GETTING UP IN THE MORNING

Joan hated to get up in the morning. She decided she did not want to dread mornings any longer, so she carefully examined how she felt when she awoke, and what might make her feel better.

One highlight of the morning for Joan is her morning coffee. It warms her, wakes her, and makes her feel nurtured.  On a shopping trip, she discovered a single-cup coffee machine with a timer that was small enough to sit by her bed.

Now, each evening before she goes to bed she gets her coffee ready. She now awakens to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and can enjoy it before she gets out of bed.

Just as Joan improved her morning with a simple change, you can change things about your day to make your life more pleasant and enjoyable. Continue reading

Understanding Yourself: An Exercise

understanding yourself, katherine broadway, raleighpsychotherapy

The more you can get to know of yourself, the better you can communicate, thereby, minimizing distortions and misunderstandings in relationships. As you expand the known part of yourself, it decreases our blind and hidden areas. This leads to an ability to make conscious decisions about how you are going to live. It helps you create better relationships.

This exercise can help you learn more about your blind areas. There are times when you experience an event or interaction which you cannot let go. You have feelings you do not understand and react in ways that confuse you. This exercise will help you sort out the event and lead you to a better understanding of yourself.

UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF: Part 1
  1. Write down a situation where you over reacted or the feelings from the event did not get resolved.

  2. How were you feeling during the event?

  3. What about the part of the event stirred up these feelings?

  4. What was said? What was done?

  5. What was the worse part of the event for you?

  6. Where did you feel it in your body?

  7. What image represents the worse part of the event?

Jane has a problem when her husband goes out and comes home late. She would get scared and then become hurt and angry. When he came home they would fight about how long he had been gone. If he arrived too late, she could not stand the anxiety and would leave.

She knew where her husband was and with whom. She knew that he was not doing anything that was a threat to herself or her marriage. To further complicate her reactions, she would be all right until what she called the Witching Hour. The Witching Hour usually occurred 15 minutes after she thought he should be home.

She could not make sense of her reactions until she did this exercise.

She identified her deepest feelings as afraid and hurt. The worse part of the event was waiting for him to get home. As she waited for her husband to get home, her chest would get tight and she would begin to pace. The image that came to her mind was that of a shoe stepping on a hardwood floor.

After you have gone through the first half or the exercise you have the information you need to learn what might be unknown or blind to you. This may be what is making the situation so complicated for you.

Understanding yourself: Part 2
  1. Hold together in your mind your feelings, where you felt it in your body and the image of the worse part of the event. With these things in your mind let yourself float back to an earlier time in your life.

Ask yourself the following questions.

  1. At what point in my life did I feel this way?

  2. How is this situation similar?

  3. How is this situation different?

As Jane let herself float back in time, she remembered her father coming home late after a night of drinking. Most nights she would be alone in her bed when she heard her father come home. He would be drunk and angry. The first sound she heard was him walking on the hardwood floor.

Soon after his arrival, her mother and father would be in a loud and violent fight. She had no one to take care of her and reassure her, she was safe. She lived in fear that her father was going to kill her mother.

Although, he did not kill her mother there were many nights when her father would hurt her mother. When she was older she began to get between her parents and stop the fights. When she was fighting with her father, she felt powerful and in control.

How It was similar and Different

The situation was similar in that she was once again at home alone, waiting for someone important to come home. It was true that she could not control her husband and what time he arrived.

The situation was different in that she was an adult and was safe. She could take care of herself. The other thing that was very different was that her husband did not come home drunk. Many times he did not drink while he was out.

It took Jane some time to get to where she was able to stay calm when her husband returned home late. After this exercise, she was able to understand her feelings and soothe herself. They quit fighting when he came home.

Eventually, Jane was able to heal the wounds from her past and would be calm while her husband was out. She was able to use her adult resources to take care of herself.

Are you troubled by feelings you cannot explain? You have experiences that don’t seem to get resolved? I can help you discover what is keeping you trapped. Call me at: 919-881-2001.

Discovering the Unknown About Yourself

An Exercise to discover yourself

The more you can get to know yourself, the better you can communicate, thereby, minimizing distortions and misunderstandings in relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. As you expand the known part of yourself, it decreases your blind and hidden areas. This leads to an ability to make conscious decisions about how you are going to live. It helps you create better relationships.

This exercise can help you learn more about your blind areas. There are times when you experience an event or interaction which you cannot let go. You have feelings you do not understand and react in ways that confuse you. This exercise will help you sort out the event and lead you to a better understanding of yourself. Continue reading