Human beings seek to survive, grow and thrive. This happens physically, emotionally and intellectually.
The puzzling thing is that people do not accomplish this at the same rate. The length of time it takes a person to mature depends on several factors, including ability, parenting, resources, and motivation.
While attending a recent wedding, three couples caught my attention, because of the qualities in their relationships. The first was the bride and groom, who were aglow with love and excitement. Their happiness was apparent and infectious.
The second couple was nice enough to one another. They spent the majority of the evening separate and engaged with others. They spent little time together. They were neither attentive nor unkind toward one another.
The third couple stood out for another reason. They interacted with people and engaged in the activities, but there was something different about the way they related to one another. The quality of their interactions grabbed my attention. Continue reading
It is an understatement to say it hurts when you breakup. We have all felt it. Not only does it hurt, it turns your life upside down. In many cases, large parts of your routine must be rearranged, changed and rebuilt.
You go from being a couple or a family to being a partial family or just one person. Your routines change, activities change, and friends change. You may even have to find new living arrangements and/or new sources of income.
The “moving on” process takes time and is better done if you pay attention to yourself and where you are in the process. If you find yourself having a hard time moving forward, letting go of your ex, and building your own life, it might be helpful to ask yourself some important questions. The answers can guide you to better understand yourself.
The following poem is like so many things you will find on the internet these days. Its origins are credited to at least two writers. One is a woman, Veronica A. Shoffstall. One is a man, Jorge Luis Borges.
I could find little on Veronica A Shoffstall except that she wrote it. In her version she uses the words: “with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child.”
There is extensive information about Jorgus Luis Borges. He was an Argentina poet and it was originally published in Spanish.
In Jorgue Luis Borges version he says: “And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open”.
There are two other slight differences I found. The form that was used in each poem is different and the titles are different. Morgue’s title is, “You Learn”. Shoffstall names her poem, “After a While.”
You can decide what you think about the origins of the poem, I have included both.
I publish it today as my Valentine to you.
My hope for you is that you can show yourself all the love you need today.
“You Learn”
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.”
___________________________________________________________
After A While
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…
May you have a love filled day.
Katherine: (919)881-2001
Don’t take your love away from me
Don’t you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I’ll be blue
‘Cause breaking up is hard to do
In 1962, Neil Sedaka’s song “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do” became a huge hit, especially among people going through a breakup and the angst that follows. They could identify with misery and the blues.
Time has shown that he not only hit the mark during the 60’s, but in every generation since. This song has been covered and re-released frequently in the last 53 years.
