Category: co-dependency

Boundaries vs Walls: Creating Closeness or Making Distance?

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Boundaries and wallsYears ago, a friend of mine told me a terrifying story. While on vacation in Mexico, she and her companions were walking along a beach taking photos and not paying attention to where they were going. Suddenly, a jeep filled with Mexican military personnel appeared and took them into custody.

They had stumbled onto military property. The property was not surrounded by a fence. There were signs posted, but in their mindless wandering, they had missed them.

Fortunately, for my friend and her companions, they were released after several hours of questioning. They were hassled, detained and their cameras were confiscated, but these are small consequences compared to what could have happened to them.

They missed the boundaries that would have kept them safe. Continue reading →

6 Tools to Improve Communication

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6 Tools to Improve CommunicationHave you ever been in a meaningful conversation and not known how to continue? Perhaps you dread the first few minutes of a party because you find yourself at a loss for conversation starters.   Or the conversation may begin, but soon fizzles out.  Maybe others tell you that it feels like you are not listening when you are doing your best to hear what the other person is saying.

Good communication is an important skill for all your relationships. The more comfortable you are with having conversations the more comfortable you will be connecting with others.

Here are six helpful tools that can help you in any of those situations, and anytime you want to communicate.  These suggestions can help you start a conversation, keep it going, and have people think that you are a great listener. Continue reading →

7 Behaviors That Hurt You and Your Relationships, and 5 Questions to Help You Improve

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7 behaviors that hurt you and your relationships, and 5 questions to help you improveDo you find yourself feeling taken for granted in your relationships?

Do you feel like you are the one who gives more and receives less?

Do you feel unsure of how important you are to your friends, family

and lovers? Unconsciously, you may be teaching people to treat

you in a careless way by your behaviors.

John once again was feeling as if no one cared about what he needed or wanted. He and his wife had just returned from a much-needed vacation. They agreed that she would make most of the arrangements for the trip. He thought he was very clear that he did not want to go on any long guided trips. On the first day of the trip, however, John learned his first activity was an all-day guided bus tour on a bus with a lot of people. Continue reading →

Relationships: How Counter-dependency and Co-dependency Work Together

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Relationships: How Counter-dependency and Co-dependency Work Together “I am a co-dependent. There is no way I am like those counter-dependents. I cling to people in relationships; I don’t push them away.”

It is possible to be both a co-dependent and a counter-dependent at the same time.  Each person has their “preferred” way of relating, but there are times when what is going on at an unconscious level may tell a very different story.

Co-dependency and counter-dependency work together in the mind to protect you from harm. In a relationship, they work to create a safe space where no one will get hurt. Continue reading →

A Comparison of Counter-Dependency and Co-dependency

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A Comparison of Counter-Dependency and Co-dependencyMuch has been written about co-dependency, its characteristics and the many ways it impacts relationships. Little has been written about the other side of the coin: counter-dependency. When circumstances are right, the co-dependent and counter-dependent will change roles. Even though they look very different they are both a product of fear. One is not worse than the other or more painful than the other. Continue reading →