5 Blocks to Empathy: How to Hurt Your Love

5 blocks to empathy“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”                                 Maya Angelou

Now that we’ve talked about what empathy is and why it is important, it can be easy to wonder why more people don’t practice it more often. As with most human characteristics and behaviors, there is more to the story than meets the eye.

Empathy has to be developed. It is taught and practiced. We learn through words, actions and the experiences we have with important caretakers in our life. As we have pointed out before, when our teachers are less than adequate, we don’t progress as far as we could.  Blocks can and will develop that greatly hamper or prevent our ability to be empathic. Continue reading

A Poem for Valentine’s Day

A Poem for Valentine's Day, "You Learn"The following poem is like so many things you will find on the internet these days. Its origins are credited to at least two writers. One is a woman, Veronica A. Shoffstall. One is a man, Jorge Luis Borges.

I could find little on Veronica A Shoffstall except that she wrote it. In her version she uses the words:                                                                                                                                                                               “with your head up and your eyes ahead                                                                                                              with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child.”

There is extensive information about Jorgus Luis Borges. He was an Argentina poet and it was originally published in Spanish.

In Jorgue Luis Borges version he says:                                                                                                                  “And you begin to accept your defeats                                                                                                                  With your head up and your eyes open”.

There are two other slight differences I found. The form that was used in each poem is different and the titles are different. Morgue’s title is, “You Learn”. Shoffstall names her poem, “After a While.”

You can decide what you think about the origins of the poem, I have included both.

I publish it today as my Valentine to you.

My hope for you is that you can show yourself all the love you need today.

 “You Learn”

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn.”

Jorge Luis Borges

___________________________________________________________

After A While

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn’t mean leaning

and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow’s ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

Veronica A. Shoffstall

May you have a love filled day. 

Katherine: (919)881-2001

Anger And Getting Kicked Off The Island

Anger and getting kicked off the island

“I’m going to be voted off the island,” she wailed. Most of us know she is referring to the TV show, “Survivor.” On the show, team members are made to leave when they do not live up to expectations, or are seen as a threat by the other contestants. No matter the reason, a line was crossed, intentionally or unintentionally, and the situation could not be fixed. The contestant had done something wrong, and the mistake was large enough that they would not get a second chance.

Continue reading

Mindfulness and Meditation for Reflection

mindfulnessLast week, we talked about winter being a natural time of reflection and introspection. I gave you 5 questions to consider to help you use winter as your own season of contemplation.  It is important to remember that this process only works if you give it time.

Think of it like starting a garden. You do not run out and dig deep holes in random places. The first step is to look at your land, the area you have, and begin to dream and imagine what your garden will become. Then you need specific information about how to grow a garden that accounts for a number of variables, including where you are, what soil you have, and what purpose the garden will serve.Only then can you begin to turn the soil.

Continue reading