Boundaries vs Walls: Creating Closeness or Making Distance?

Boundaries and wallsYears ago, a friend of mine told me a terrifying story. While on vacation in Mexico, she and her companions were walking along a beach taking photos and not paying attention to where they were going. Suddenly, a jeep filled with Mexican military personnel appeared and took them into custody.

They had stumbled onto military property. The property was not surrounded by a fence. There were signs posted, but in their mindless wandering, they had missed them.

Fortunately, for my friend and her companions, they were released after several hours of questioning. They were hassled, detained and their cameras were confiscated, but these are small consequences compared to what could have happened to them.

They missed the boundaries that would have kept them safe. Continue reading

5 Ways to Have Intimacy In Your Relationships

5 Ways to Have Intimacy In Your RelationshipsThink about the last few movies you watched… or television shows… or books you read.   What kind of relationship did the main characters have?  Chances are good they were either falling in love or falling out of it.

Popular culture presents us very few examples of what an actual intimate relationship looks like. Most entertainment today focuses on one of two points in a relationship: the romance, or the conflict that comes after “the thrill is gone.”  There is another aspect of relationships that we seldom see, and is something we do want to achieve. We have few models as to how to get there, or how to maintain it when we arrive.  That something is intimacy.

What Is Intimacy?

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6 Ways Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Can Help You

psychoanalytic psychotherapyWould you want to work with just any therapist, or would you rather work with one who could be more effective than his or her peers?

Recent research has shown therapists in the psychoanalytic tradition can be more effective with their clients because their goal is not just symptom relief but to find the underlying causes of what is hurting you.

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy has been developing for more than 100 years. Sigmund Freud, a

pioneer in the field, has a bad reputation in some circles because of his emphasis on sexual fantasies. While his theories were not completely correct, he is acknowledged for making revolutionary advancements in the field. Continue reading

6 Questions to ask if you are unsure about your relationship

6 Questions to ask yourself if unsure about relationship“Relationships seek to obtain: Level flight, nice buzz, floating down the river, hitting rapids, “wee that was fun,” return to level flight.” Margaret Martin

 How do I know when it is right? Am I settling? What if I am making a mistake? These are common questions to ask yourself after the romance cools. These are extremely hard questions to answer because, let’s face it, there is always someone better. After the initial rush is gone, there is always another exciting romance to be had. No matter what your age, there is always someone else who can give you that initial high.

Are you asking the right questions?

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