You may wonder why there are times when you become upset, seemingly “out of the blue.” Or why the Harsh Inner Critic chimes in to blast you unexpectedly. At times, the explanation can be found by examining how your basic needs were not met as a baby and/or as a child.
These unmet needs lie dormant in your unconscious mind, and can be activated by events or interactions with others.
We spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the Harsh Inner Critic, how it developed, and the role it plays in your life. It is important to remember that it is usually not right. You can build skills to find relief from its influence. Your life does not have to be controlled by these painful, critical messages.
You are not going to be able to banish or destroy these messages. However, you can learn to not allow them to dictate your moods or run your life.
Earlier in this blog, I introduced the concept of the Internal Drama Triangle. Our recent discussions of codependency have brought us back to the topic, and how it plays out in thought patterns.
John Gottman talks about the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a negative communication style for couples. The traits are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. We can see the same actions used by the persecutor, the victim, and the rescuer in your own Internal Drama Triangle.
“Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.” James Joyce.
Currently, mindfulness is a very popular idea: 60 Minutes had a segment covering it, there are TED Talks on it, and videos abound on YouTube. It seems new, yet it has been around for 1500 years. What is new is our ability to map the brain and see how it is affected by practicing mindfulness.
Mindfulness is defined as a way to intentionally pay attention to the present moment without being caught up in judgment and criticism. It is both a meditation form and a life style. It means staying awake, aware and paying attention to your thoughts, feelings and body sensations without passing judgment on what you are experiencing. It is about gathering information about yourself and your experiences. Your personal auto-pilot runs your life with old ideas and thoughts. Mindfulness is a way to begin to turn off your auto-pilot and make choices about your life.