Last week, we looked at 11 rules commonly found in families where any variety of dysfunction exists, including Adult Children of Alcoholics. Those rules are often formed before a child is aware that they exist. They remain unconscious and powerful directives in our lives well into adulthood.
This week, we want to talk about 12 ways these rules manifest in our adult behaviors.
Children who grew up in dysfunctional families often feel their experiences were unique, and that no one else can identify with what they went through. What you come to realize, however, is that many other people had similar situations and had similar feelings.
Science proves it, too. The Adult Children of Alcoholics movement led to much study of families where there is dysfunction and inadequate parenting. These works found that many of these families had characteristics, behaviors, and family rules in common.
This is a dilemma that many adults face. As an adult they may have responsible jobs, but their personal lives may be a mess. Bills do not get paid on time, even when there is money to pay them. Houses are not kept clean, diets are unhealthy, and many eat like a 12-year-old. Health is neglected, hygiene is hard, and only done when necessary. Self-care is an unknown concept. They have difficult developing close, long term relationships.
Often these adults are confused by their own behavior. “I can’t make myself do the things I want and need to do.”
“She did not make it,” the message read.
I knew what the words said, but my mind would not allow me to believe what they meant. Without a logical way to explain her sudden death, my mind refused to accept the situation. The pain and the grief were too great; the truth was too painful, too shocking, too awful.
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In my last blog I talked about the definition of co-dependent and co-dependency. This week I want to talk about some of the characteristics of co-dependents and their behaviors.