Happiness, Perfectionist-Style

Perfectionism is developed early in life by children living in a family where their needs are not adequately met (Bad in Good World). Because of the early genesis, people do not realize that they are a perfectionist. They are astonished when a friend, family member, or co-worker points it out. Their usual response is, “How can you think I am a perfectionist, when I never get anything perfect?”

This response is an indication that they are, in fact, a perfectionist. They believe that no matter what they do, it is never good enough, even if they do recognize that they have done something good. At times, they will point to an area in their life that is a mess or needs improvement as a way to prove there is no way they could be a perfectionist.

These people believe that what little success they obtain is because of their high standards. This belief nurtures the Harsh Inner Critic and gives it freedom to belittle them and push them to do more, work harder, be better.

In reality, being a perfectionist can cause you to be less productive and successful because of the anxiety it causes. Therefore, letting go of perfectionism can contribute to a happier life.

HOW LETTING GO OF PERFECTIONISM CAN HELP INCREASE HAPPINESS.
  • Grow and Learn-It is necessary to make mistakes in the learning process. If it is a requirement that you be the best from the beginning, then it will be hard to let yourself keep working and practicing to develop a skill. There will be no joy in learning and growing.
  • Learn through experience-Sometimes life does not go as you want or expect. You get disappointed and you disappoint others. You do not know how to handle new experiences and you get angry and disappointed with yourself. Each experience you go through and how you respond to them adds to your resources and problem solving skills.
  • Connect and respect – It is very difficult to connect with yourself and others when perfection is the standard. Everyone makes mistakes. However, you are constantly judging yourself and others against your high personal standards. Being kind to yourself and to others will cause your relationships to be more satisfying.
  • Be Curious-Yes, there is a saying “curiosity killed the cat.” And the cat had a great time looking, searching and hunting along the way. It certainly enjoyed the journey. By the way, how many cats have you known that were killed by curiosity?
  • Enjoy the journey-Self-criticism and judgement takes the pleasure out of life. It creates discontent and disappointment and can make you anxious. Mistakes can teach you. Mistakes can be interesting. Mistakes can be funny. Learning to find the humor –the great story-in these experiences brings joy to your life.

Instead of criticizing yourself and wishing you could be different, become interested in yourself. Learn who you are, why you make mistakes and how you are unique. Being a perfectionist prevents you from knowing who you really are and what your true worth is. It takes the fun and joy out of life. It will take your happiness away.

I can help you find the value and joy in life. Call me at (919) 881-2001.

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