Tag: anger

Discovering the Unknown About Yourself

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An Exercise to discover yourself

The more you can get to know yourself, the better you can communicate, thereby, minimizing distortions and misunderstandings in relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. As you expand the known part of yourself, it decreases your blind and hidden areas. This leads to an ability to make conscious decisions about how you are going to live. It helps you create better relationships.

This exercise can help you learn more about your blind areas. There are times when you experience an event or interaction which you cannot let go. You have feelings you do not understand and react in ways that confuse you. This exercise will help you sort out the event and lead you to a better understanding of yourself. Continue reading →

5 Blocks to Empathy: How to Hurt Your Love

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5 blocks to empathy“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”                                 Maya Angelou

Now that we’ve talked about what empathy is and why it is important, it can be easy to wonder why more people don’t practice it more often. As with most human characteristics and behaviors, there is more to the story than meets the eye.

Empathy has to be developed. It is taught and practiced. We learn through words, actions and the experiences we have with important caretakers in our life. As we have pointed out before, when our teachers are less than adequate, we don’t progress as far as we could.  Blocks can and will develop that greatly hamper or prevent our ability to be empathic. Continue reading →

7 Behaviors That Hurt You and Your Relationships, and 5 Questions to Help You Improve

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7 behaviors that hurt you and your relationships, and 5 questions to help you improveDo you find yourself feeling taken for granted in your relationships?

Do you feel like you are the one who gives more and receives less?

Do you feel unsure of how important you are to your friends, family

and lovers? Unconsciously, you may be teaching people to treat

you in a careless way by your behaviors.

John once again was feeling as if no one cared about what he needed or wanted. He and his wife had just returned from a much-needed vacation. They agreed that she would make most of the arrangements for the trip. He thought he was very clear that he did not want to go on any long guided trips. On the first day of the trip, however, John learned his first activity was an all-day guided bus tour on a bus with a lot of people. Continue reading →

After Orlando, Deflecting Fear One Person at a Time

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After Orlando Deflecting Fear One Person at a TimeAlisha came in with a look of fear and anxiety. “What is wrong with the world? Another mass shooting and no-one there to stop it. Why are the police not doing their job and protecting us? I can’t make sense of what is happening in the world. I feel so powerless, what can I do?”

Alisha was the first of many people, both male and female, to express these thoughts about the shooting in Orlando, both in and out of my office. In many ways, I am speechless and feel as powerless as everyone else.

The temptation is to follow the path of anger and violence: when in doubt, strike back. We all want something done so we can go back to what we see as the safe cocoon of the 50’s and 60’s. That is an illusion. I vividly remember the Bay of Pigs, waiting on the school playground to hear whether we were going to war. Was my daddy going to have to go to war? My best friend Kay and I held hands crying and trying to console one another.

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Symptoms: the Roadmap to Self Discovery

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Symptoms a Roadmap to self discoveryThe man came into my office and told me he was here to be “fixed”. He told me he had an anger problem and needed someone to help him get rid of it.

When I inquired why he felt his anger was such a problem, he said that his wife and family did not like that he was angry all the time, and that the way he expressed his anger scared them.

The man talked about feeling that his needs were fulfilled after everyone else’s in the family. He had elderly parents who required a lot of time and care. He had a demanding job in healthcare and suffered from serious back problems, which caused him pain most of the time.

No wonder he acted angry all the time! I suggested that perhaps he had feelings that were hiding under the anger, hurt and sadness. He was surprised by that idea. It had never occurred to him that he might be feeling any emotion other than anger.

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