Tag: identity

The True Self: Part Discovery, Part Reinvention

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reinvention of self

How to eat an elephant

You are on the path of finding your true self. This process is part discovery, as you learn about the parts of yourself that you like and want to keep, and part reinvention, as you merge the “keepers” with the new pieces you find.

When you are integrating the old self and the discovered self, it is helpful to have some direction.  Pamela Mitchell, founder and CEO of The Reinvention Institute, has put a lot of work into providing this direction.  Reading some of her latest works helped me assemble these steps to get you started. Continue reading →

10 Characteristics of Co-Dependents

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In my last blog I talked about the definition of co-dependent and co-dependency. This week I want to talk about some of the characteristics of co-dependents and their behaviors.

  1. Everything related to feelings is difficult.
    A co-dependent has a hard time identifying what they are feeling. They usually know what their partner and everyone else is feeling and determines their feelings accordingly.
  2. Feeling good about themselves comes from others liking them.
    When they don’t have approval from others, their Harsh Inner Critic tells them they are not wanted.
  3. Their mental attention is focused outside of themselves.
    It is focused on pleasing others and protecting others. If they can do something for another person and be recognized for it they will feel good.
  4. Fear controls and motivates them.
    The fear of anger and rejection determines what they say and how they act. They don’t have personal opinions, only opinions designed to please others.

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Co-dependency Explained

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John is the head of a non-profit organization that benefits the poor. He is loved and respected, yet feels it is never enough. His identity is his work. He neglects his family and friends.

Jane is the mother of three. She dedicates her life to her children’s needs and wants. She has no social life and no interests of her own. Her only sense of identity is as a mother.

Sally is a “closet” alcoholic. She works all day, but at night and on weekends she is consumed with alcohol. Every activity must include the opportunity for alcohol. She lives to drink.

Sam’s marriage looks perfect from the outside. On the inside, Sam is unable to separate from his wife. He calls her many times during the day. When they are apart, he becomes anxious and feels empty inside.

Each of these people is co-dependent.

Continue reading →