8 Qualities of Mindfulness

8 qualities of mindfulnessFrequently, we talk about mindfulness as a way to stop living on auto-pilot by paying attention to your life and making intentional decisions. Mindfulness is a way to tap into your internal resources so you can use them to reduce stress and conflict.

Sounds good, but how do you get there?  Here are some key concepts which can help you develop an attitude of mindfulness in your everyday living. Continue reading

Expectations and Patterns in Relationship

Expectations and patterns: relationshipWhat Does Love Have to do With it?

In last week’s blog,  we talked about  memories, feelings or thoughts from the past being activated in present experiences and relationships. When this happens, we will feel and think in ways that are influenced by previous events. This dynamic  can be seen in romantic relationships

You meet someone and from the first moment, they feel just right. They seem to know what you are thinking before you speak. You have shared interests and similar backgrounds. You feel comfortable with him or her from the beginning  and feel comfortable telling them anything.

Fast forward six months, a year, even ten years, and that same person has become someone whom you both love and hate. It’s as if you can’t live with him or her, yet you can’t live without that person either.  He or she irritates you almost every time they speak.  You don’t feel that person understands you any longer and you sure don’t understand him or her.

The meaningful talk has stopped. You do small talk, you argue, or you don’t talk at all.

You wonder what happened in the relationship; did the other person change or did you? Continue reading

4 Qualities That Strengthen Your Relationships

4 qualities that will improve your relationshipsWhile attending a recent wedding, three couples caught my attention, because of the qualities in their relationships. The first was the bride and groom, who were aglow with love and excitement. Their happiness was apparent and infectious.

The second couple was nice enough to one another. They spent the majority of the evening separate and engaged with others. They spent little time together. They were  neither attentive nor unkind toward one another.

The third couple stood out for another reason.  They interacted with people and engaged in the activities, but there was something different about the way they related to one another.  The quality of their interactions grabbed my attention. Continue reading

A Poem for Valentine’s Day

A Poem for Valentine's Day, "You Learn"The following poem is like so many things you will find on the internet these days. Its origins are credited to at least two writers. One is a woman, Veronica A. Shoffstall. One is a man, Jorge Luis Borges.

I could find little on Veronica A Shoffstall except that she wrote it. In her version she uses the words:                                                                                                                                                                               “with your head up and your eyes ahead                                                                                                              with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child.”

There is extensive information about Jorgus Luis Borges. He was an Argentina poet and it was originally published in Spanish.

In Jorgue Luis Borges version he says:                                                                                                                  “And you begin to accept your defeats                                                                                                                  With your head up and your eyes open”.

There are two other slight differences I found. The form that was used in each poem is different and the titles are different. Morgue’s title is, “You Learn”. Shoffstall names her poem, “After a While.”

You can decide what you think about the origins of the poem, I have included both.

I publish it today as my Valentine to you.

My hope for you is that you can show yourself all the love you need today.

 “You Learn”

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn.”

Jorge Luis Borges

___________________________________________________________

After A While

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn’t mean leaning

and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow’s ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

Veronica A. Shoffstall

May you have a love filled day. 

Katherine: (919)881-2001