Understanding Yourself: An Exercise

understanding yourself, katherine broadway, raleighpsychotherapy

The more you can get to know of yourself, the better you can communicate, thereby, minimizing distortions and misunderstandings in relationships. As you expand the known part of yourself, it decreases our blind and hidden areas. This leads to an ability to make conscious decisions about how you are going to live. It helps you create better relationships.

This exercise can help you learn more about your blind areas. There are times when you experience an event or interaction which you cannot let go. You have feelings you do not understand and react in ways that confuse you. This exercise will help you sort out the event and lead you to a better understanding of yourself.

UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF: Part 1
  1. Write down a situation where you over reacted or the feelings from the event did not get resolved.

  2. How were you feeling during the event?

  3. What about the part of the event stirred up these feelings?

  4. What was said? What was done?

  5. What was the worse part of the event for you?

  6. Where did you feel it in your body?

  7. What image represents the worse part of the event?

Jane has a problem when her husband goes out and comes home late. She would get scared and then become hurt and angry. When he came home they would fight about how long he had been gone. If he arrived too late, she could not stand the anxiety and would leave.

She knew where her husband was and with whom. She knew that he was not doing anything that was a threat to herself or her marriage. To further complicate her reactions, she would be all right until what she called the Witching Hour. The Witching Hour usually occurred 15 minutes after she thought he should be home.

She could not make sense of her reactions until she did this exercise.

She identified her deepest feelings as afraid and hurt. The worse part of the event was waiting for him to get home. As she waited for her husband to get home, her chest would get tight and she would begin to pace. The image that came to her mind was that of a shoe stepping on a hardwood floor.

After you have gone through the first half or the exercise you have the information you need to learn what might be unknown or blind to you. This may be what is making the situation so complicated for you.

Understanding yourself: Part 2
  1. Hold together in your mind your feelings, where you felt it in your body and the image of the worse part of the event. With these things in your mind let yourself float back to an earlier time in your life.

Ask yourself the following questions.

  1. At what point in my life did I feel this way?

  2. How is this situation similar?

  3. How is this situation different?

As Jane let herself float back in time, she remembered her father coming home late after a night of drinking. Most nights she would be alone in her bed when she heard her father come home. He would be drunk and angry. The first sound she heard was him walking on the hardwood floor.

Soon after his arrival, her mother and father would be in a loud and violent fight. She had no one to take care of her and reassure her, she was safe. She lived in fear that her father was going to kill her mother.

Although, he did not kill her mother there were many nights when her father would hurt her mother. When she was older she began to get between her parents and stop the fights. When she was fighting with her father, she felt powerful and in control.

How It was similar and Different

The situation was similar in that she was once again at home alone, waiting for someone important to come home. It was true that she could not control her husband and what time he arrived.

The situation was different in that she was an adult and was safe. She could take care of herself. The other thing that was very different was that her husband did not come home drunk. Many times he did not drink while he was out.

It took Jane some time to get to where she was able to stay calm when her husband returned home late. After this exercise, she was able to understand her feelings and soothe herself. They quit fighting when he came home.

Eventually, Jane was able to heal the wounds from her past and would be calm while her husband was out. She was able to use her adult resources to take care of herself.

Are you troubled by feelings you cannot explain? You have experiences that don’t seem to get resolved? I can help you discover what is keeping you trapped. Call me at: 919-881-2001.

Winter Solstice: An Ancient Holiday That’s Relevant Today

Winter Solstice

In ancient times, numerous beliefs and rituals were based on astronomical events. Many traditions that  started then are still celebrated today.  Tonight – the Winter Solstice – is one of those occasions.

Winter Solstice is the longest night of the year.  Throughout much of history, societies were built around the amount of daylight available.  The shortest day of the year, which comes with the longest night, was immensely important.  It meant the harvest had passed, and they would live on stored goods until the spring.  During the following months there would be hardship and even starvation for some.

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The True Self: Part Discovery, Part Reinvention

 

reinvention of self

How to eat an elephant

You are on the path of finding your true self. This process is part discovery, as you learn about the parts of yourself that you like and want to keep, and part reinvention, as you merge the “keepers” with the new pieces you find.

When you are integrating the old self and the discovered self, it is helpful to have some direction.  Pamela Mitchell, founder and CEO of The Reinvention Institute, has put a lot of work into providing this direction.  Reading some of her latest works helped me assemble these steps to get you started. Continue reading

Life is a Journey to Your True Self: Creating Goals

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Now that you have compiled all this information about yourself, you can begin to identify your deepest values, core beliefs, passions and motives. The true self is made up of these things.

Life is a journey worth taking. To make the trip enjoyable, you need to create goals that come from your true self. The goals you set become the compass for your life. Not all goals are accomplished, but they still lead you forward in your life. Continue reading

Find Your True Self by Listen to Your Life Events

iphone 037abIn last week’s blog, we looked at events in your past and how they led to the development of a false self. This week, we are going to take a look at your present. The purpose of this blog is to help you “see” your life so you can find your true self.

We will begin to determine what feels good and satisfying to you. We also need to identify things in your life that contribute to feeling bad about yourself, and that prevent you from finding your true self. We will use this information as well as what you discovered last week to create a more satisfying life. Continue reading