Perfectionism is developed early in life by children living in a family where their needs are not adequately met (Bad in Good World). Because of the early genesis, people do not realize that they are a perfectionist. They are astonished when a friend, family member, or co-worker points it out. Their usual response is, “How can you think I am a perfectionist, when I never get anything perfect?”
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DIY Happiness Project: The Happiness Journal
Everyone wants to be happy, but most people have no idea what happiness really is, or how to accomplish it. There are entire sections in bookstores and blogs online filled with suggestions. One of those authors gave me an idea that I’ll share with you.
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Happiness DYI: 5 Tips for Making Yourself Happier
Do you spend time thinking about how to make friends and how to get others to like you? Do you think about how to like yourself, or even how to be your own best friend?
When you like yourself, then the Harsh Inner Critic has less power over how you feel. You have more strength to fight back against the negative messages we all have inside. When you feel like a good friend to yourself, then you can recognize when the Internal Drama starts. Being your own best friend makes it possible to turn the negative thoughts and beliefs into the positive. This will increase your happiness.
Techniques to increase your happiness.
The same techniques that can be used to make others like you can be used to help you learn to like yourself.
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Questions to ask yourself when trapped in the Internal Drama Triangle
In previous blog entries, we have talked about what to do when you are struggling with internal critical messages and the drama triangle. Today, I want to give you some questions to ask yourself at times when you can’t seem to untangle yourself from the confusion created by all the internal talk.
Sort Through the Voices: When you find yourself feeling like you have been bad or done something wrong, or when you keep circling around a problem or situation, stuck in the internal drama triangle, ask yourself some of the questions below. Try to identify what the Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor are saying to you. This may find it easier to sort out what you need to do for yourself.
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The Internal Drama Dialogue and John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Earlier in this blog, I introduced the concept of the Internal Drama Triangle. Our recent discussions of codependency have brought us back to the topic, and how it plays out in thought patterns.
John Gottman talks about the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as a negative communication style for couples. The traits are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. We can see the same actions used by the persecutor, the victim, and the rescuer in your own Internal Drama Triangle.