Tag: responsibility

5 Ways to Have Intimacy In Your Relationships

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5 Ways to Have Intimacy In Your RelationshipsThink about the last few movies you watched… or television shows… or books you read.   What kind of relationship did the main characters have?  Chances are good they were either falling in love or falling out of it.

Popular culture presents us very few examples of what an actual intimate relationship looks like. Most entertainment today focuses on one of two points in a relationship: the romance, or the conflict that comes after “the thrill is gone.”  There is another aspect of relationships that we seldom see, and is something we do want to achieve. We have few models as to how to get there, or how to maintain it when we arrive.  That something is intimacy.

What Is Intimacy?

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Patterns, Maps and Finding Your Way In Relationships

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Patterns, Maps and Finding Your Way In RelationshipsWe become who we are through relationships. Our early relationships shape and mold our internal maps of who we are, what we believe about other people and our expectations. These maps are largely unconscious until they begin to emerge in our important relationships.

Maps to guide us

These maps and the patterns they contain are acted out dramatically in our romantic relationships, but they also play out in less intense ways in all our relationships: with friends, with co-workers, even with children.

We are taught what love means in these early relationships. Those lessons become our “conditions for loving.” They come from how we were treated, how people talked to us, and how people talked about us in those early years.  They are the patterns necessary for us to feel loved.

These conditions will determine who we love and who we choose to be within relationships, both romantic and platonic. Everyone has conditions for loving

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Expectations and Patterns in Relationship

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Expectations and patterns: relationshipWhat Does Love Have to do With it?

In last week’s blog,  we talked about  memories, feelings or thoughts from the past being activated in present experiences and relationships. When this happens, we will feel and think in ways that are influenced by previous events. This dynamic  can be seen in romantic relationships

You meet someone and from the first moment, they feel just right. They seem to know what you are thinking before you speak. You have shared interests and similar backgrounds. You feel comfortable with him or her from the beginning  and feel comfortable telling them anything.

Fast forward six months, a year, even ten years, and that same person has become someone whom you both love and hate. It’s as if you can’t live with him or her, yet you can’t live without that person either.  He or she irritates you almost every time they speak.  You don’t feel that person understands you any longer and you sure don’t understand him or her.

The meaningful talk has stopped. You do small talk, you argue, or you don’t talk at all.

You wonder what happened in the relationship; did the other person change or did you? Continue reading →

4 Qualities That Strengthen Your Relationships

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4 qualities that will improve your relationshipsWhile attending a recent wedding, three couples caught my attention, because of the qualities in their relationships. The first was the bride and groom, who were aglow with love and excitement. Their happiness was apparent and infectious.

The second couple was nice enough to one another. They spent the majority of the evening separate and engaged with others. They spent little time together. They were  neither attentive nor unkind toward one another.

The third couple stood out for another reason.  They interacted with people and engaged in the activities, but there was something different about the way they related to one another.  The quality of their interactions grabbed my attention. Continue reading →

11 Ways to Distract Yourself From the Harsh Inner Critic

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safe place from Harsh Inner critic. distractionIt may feel like there is no way to get out from under the control of the Harsh Inner Critic. The messages are so powerful and feel so true. The good news is that with time, practice and support you can develop the skill to be in charge of your thoughts and how you respond to them. This is not to say you can have absolute control, rather it is the ability to not believe everything you hear inside and, therefore, be able to make choices.

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