It may feel like there is no way to get out from under the control of the Harsh Inner Critic. The messages are so powerful and feel so true. The good news is that with time, practice and support you can develop the skill to be in charge of your thoughts and how you respond to them. This is not to say you can have absolute control, rather it is the ability to not believe everything you hear inside and, therefore, be able to make choices.

Mindfulness and distraction are great tools in this process. Mindfulness helps you become aware of the messages.  Distraction helps you build the resources not to believe them.

NEGATIVE DISTRACTION

It is important to note there are many ways to distract oneself, some are helpful and some are harmful. Harmful ways to distract yourself can include, shopping to excess, over working, gambling, smoking, drinking to excess, compulsive cleaning, over focusing on people, activities, places or things.

These negative activities usually involve messages from the Harsh Inner Critic. You may hear things like, “The clothes you have on look awful on you, why did you spend so much money on clothes?”. Or the messages may say you are not doing enough, that you need to work more, exercise more, spend more time with family or friends.The criticisms go on and on. The Inner Critic criticizes you no matter what you do.

Positive Distraction

Learning what positive distractions are and how to use them will help you untangle yourself from the Harsh Inner Critic. These helpful distractions will not reinforce the messages of the inner Critic and will help you not get so upset by the negative messages.

Each time you are able to distract yourself from the messages of the HIC it diminishes the power that it holds over you. You will be able to hold onto yourself and build internal strength.

You may have no idea what a positive distraction is or how to use them to help yourself.

Here are a few suggestions on positive distractions from Harsh Inner Critic.

1. Create an external safe place. Have a place where you can escape the situation that is causing you to be bombarded by the negative messages. At home, this can be a space you create that is comforting to you. When away from home, you may be able to create a safe space. If not, a restroom can be your best friend. Usually, you will not be questioned if you simply excuse yourself. Go into a stall, probably no one is going to interrupt you.
2. Create an internal safe place. This is a place you create in your mind that feels calm, safe, beautiful. Use a cue word to take yourself to your internal safe place. This needs to be created before you are in the midst of being overwhelmed by the Harsh Inner Critic. For step-by-step instructions, consult (link to specific title here).
3. Pay attention to your mood shift. When you notice your mood change, stop. Trace backward to determine what triggered the shift. This will interrupt the forward motion of the mood and help you have more emotional dexterity. It will also give you information that will direct you to what action you need to take.
4. Shift your attention.  Find something concrete in the room that is pleasant to you: a favorite object, a book, or a photograph. Pay attention to your surroundings in extreme detail, or even sing a song. This will occupy your mind with neutral or perhaps positive thoughts.
5. Use your senses. Smell something. At times, an unpleasant smell can grab all your attention. Essential Oils may redirect your attention or lift your mood.Touch something and notice how it feels and describe it to yourself. Listen for a soft unexpected sound or listen to music or a podcast. Look for something unusual, ugly or beautiful.
6. Move. This will get your blood flowing and your attention on moving your body. Walk outside if possible. Good weather can brighten your mood; bad weather will grab your attention and stimulate your senses.
7. Make a list.   Name 5 people, places, or things that interest you that do not have negative connections. Thinking will engage your brain, and writing or typing them will engage your body.
8. Recall a good memory.  It could be a movie you enjoyed, a book you read, or a song you like.  Again, the key is to engage your mind.
9. Breathe.  Try this: Breathe in while counting to 5, hold that breath to the count of 5, and breathe out while counting to 5. Repeat 5 times. It takes concentration to breathe and count.  It will take oxygen to your brain and calm you down.
10. Call a friend. It is not necessary to tell your friend that you are having a hard time. Just have a light-hearted conversation to take your mind away from the Harsh Inner Critic.
11. Use your cell phone and take a photograph of something of interest. It does not need to be a beautiful photograph of a magnificent object or landscape. Experiment with a blurred image or a part of an object. Play around with your camera. The purpose of this photo is to create an interesting moment.

These are a few ideas for you to try in order to learn to distract yourself. With a little practice you might even learn to use these times as an opportunity to take a moment to entertain and amuse yourself.

As with last week, do you have any ideas? Please let me know so that your ideas can be shared with others.

Having a hard time learning to distract yourself and dealing with your own inner critic? Need help creating a safe place? Call me I can help. (919-881-2001)